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I wish there were a prequel to the Parent Trap.

I’d really like to see a prequel to the original Parent Trap. I’d like to have been the Disney executive who looked at the box office receipts for the film and said. “Hell yes! We’ve got a dynamo on our hands here! The cast is in place already and people really wanna know more about these characters! It’s a winner, Walt!”

And if Walt Disney were some sort of bizarro Walt Disney who didn’t hold narrative to a very high level of scrutiny, bizarro Walt Disney would totally greanlight my idea and assign me writers to work on the script. When they walked into the office, this is what I’d tell them.

OK, here’s what we’ve got. We’ve got Brian Keith and Maureen O’Hara. A California rancher and a Boston socialite. Now somehow, they’ve got to meet each other and get married. Let’s go ahead and assume they met at one of those high level debutante balls in New York where socialites are paired with graduates of West Point. I can totally see Brian Keith as a West Point man. Now they fall in love. They get married. They have a perfect pair of twins. Then. SOMETHING HAPPENS.

What?

The writers look at me.

Something SO HORRIBLE needs to happen to these characters that they decide it’s best if they move to opposite ends of the country and never tell their children they have a sibling.

I’ll admit I’m a bit stuck there.

Moving on. At this point, we’re going to need some kind of a “lying montage” to cover the next 14 years of the girls’ lives. Tell the Sherman Brothers to start working on that. Something like “So, do I have another parent?” Or “Identical twins must be kept apart!” would be an ideal opening line.

I think the movie ends with both girls reading an advertisement for Camp Inch in Life magazine, but I’m open to suggestions on that.

What do you think?

 

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Roots ‘n’ Ruckus

Playing tonight at the Roots & Ruckus with Arturo Jugman on the jug and Shaky Dave on the mouth piano.

JalopyTheatre Brooklyn
315 Columbia St., FREE
9:30 – The Relatives
10:00 – Feral Matt Foster
10:30 – Alex Battles
11:00 – Jackson Lynch
11:30 – Thomas Bryan Eaton (?)

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CASHANK

Don’t forget– the first Thursday of every month is the CASHANK at Freddy’s Bar in Park Slope. Our next CASHANK is coming up on December 6.

The Village Voice, Best of NYC, Best Hootenanny Series: “an acoustic classic country jam” where everyone is invited to play country songs from before 1970, preferably written by Hank Williams or Johnny Cash. Songs must contain four chords or less, so eager locals, filling the room with their banjos, fiddles, washboards, and tambourines, can follow along.” -Lori Cole, The Village Voice, Best of NYC.

New York Magazine: Critic’s Pick “Highfalutin country-music fans will rejoice at this monthly jamboree where Johnny Cash and Hank Williams are the stars of the playlist. A stringent four-chord rule holds sway so joining the session can be as simple as singing/playing from your seat, or if you’re a more seasoned instrumentalist, jumping onstage behind host Alex Battle. It all adds up to a convivial blur of expert fiddlers, plucky pluckers, and amateur crooners reprising “Ring of Fire” or “On the Road Again.” Should you feel compelled to request something other than Cash or Hank, please stick to old standbys like “You Are My Sunshine” lest you be run outta town.” — Lindsey Weber, New York Magazine, Critic’s Pick

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Copyright 2014 Alex Battles.